The Asshole Survival Guide

Robert I. Sutton begins The Asshole Survival Guide with the premise that nearly everyone has encountered individuals who drain energy, crush confidence, and make work unbearable. He points out that people write to him from every imaginable setting—emergency rooms, police departments, schools, military bases, tech startups, corporate law firms, and even church leadership boards—describing similar experiences of humiliation and psychological exhaustion. The common thread: certain people systematically demean those around them, leaving behind emotional wreckage.

Sutton explains that abrasive behavior creates measurable damage. A single hostile remark can derail concentration for hours; in collaborative jobs, it undermines coordination and trust. In one study involving neonatal intensive-care units, doctors exposed to rude comments performed distinctly worse at diagnosing and treating sick newborns. In another experiment, participants subjected to insulting feedback produced poorer work results and became more prone to errors. Across companies, this damage accumulates into what Sutton calls the Total Cost of Assholes (TCA)—lost productivity, absenteeism, increased turnover, stolen materials used as retaliation, and the emotional toll that ultimately sabotages performance.

Sutton stresses that toxic behavior spreads through mimicry. New employees who join toxic environments adopt abrasive behavior simply to survive or avoid becoming targets. In one survey, roughly 25% of employees admitted that they became hostile at work after exposure to a hostile boss. This domino effect can turn once enjoyable workplaces into hotbeds of passive-aggressive conflict, silent resentment, and burned-out staff.

Recognizing When Bad Behavior Crosses the Line

The author advises resisting the temptation to label someone a jerk based solely on first impressions. Stress, cultural differences, or one very bad day can cause behavior that looks like aggression but is not malicious. To examine a situation carefully, Sutton recommends asking diagnostic questions such as: Do I regularly leave encounters feeling smaller or ashamed? Has this happened repeatedly or is it isolated? Are others suffering too? Is the entire organization dysfunctional? How much control does the person have over my role or advancement?

To illustrate the difference, Sutton gives examples. If a normally supportive colleague snaps at you because they are grieving or dealing with crisis, understanding and patience may be appropriate. But if a team leader repeatedly interrupts others in meetings, takes credit for their work, or mocks mistakes publicly, the behavior is part of a deeper pattern. One employee described a supervisor who kept a scoreboard of subordinates’ errors on the wall and read them aloud weekly, turning the workplace into a theatre of public shame. Sutton classifies such individuals as “certified assholes”—people whose cruelty is systematic rather than situational.

Toxicity must also be evaluated in context. A single abrasive coworker in an otherwise upbeat culture may be containable. But in companies where unethical competition is rewarded, turnover is sky-high, or employees whisper warnings to newcomers, the culture itself is the problem. Sutton recounts stories from employees who joined aggressive sales departments where screaming, backstabbing, and sabotage were normalized. People stayed years due to fear of losing income, only to discover they had become cynical shadows of their former selves.

Escaping the ...