How to Be Single and Happy

Jennifer Taitz’s How to Be Single and Happy dismantles one of the most deeply ingrained cultural beliefs: that happiness must be delivered through romantic partnership. According to Taitz, society often treats singlehood as a temporary holding pattern, a pause button waiting for real life to begin once a romantic partner arrives. This belief positions love as a prize earned through performance or luck, and suggests that emotional fulfillment is impossible without someone else validating our worth. Taitz emphasizes that extensive psychological research contradicts this assumption. Circumstantial factors, including relationship status, account for only a sliver of long-term happiness, while intentional behaviors—such as engaging in meaningful activities, developing interests, and practicing emotional regulation—carry far greater influence over life satisfaction.

Instead of treating relationships as the grand solution to distress or loneliness, Taitz proposes that people shift their focus to constructing a fulfilling and autonomous life. Rather than hunting relentlessly for someone who will magically complete them, she encourages cultivating purpose, building community, and nurturing internal stability. For example, instead of spending weekends anxiously monitoring dating apps or comparing oneself to friends who are married, someone might choose to pursue a new hobby, take a creative class, deepen friendships, or work toward a personal goal. These are the types of actions scientifically proven to increase well-being, and they also make life richer—regardless of romantic outcomes.

Escaping the “Husband Treadmill” and Rumination Trap

A central theme of the book is the concept that Taitz calls the “husband treadmill”: the exhausting, repetitive pattern of constantly scanning life for romantic potential, seeking validation through dating outcomes, and feeling perpetually behind when the pursuit does not yield immediate results. This treadmill mirrors the psychological experience of never-ending striving with little satisfaction, repeatedly reinforcing the message that happiness exists just beyond reach. In parallel, many single individuals become trapped in cycles of mental rumination—fixating on painful memories, endlessly dissecting past relationships, and catastrophizing about the future.

Rumination is one of the strongest predictors of depression and anxiety, and it diminishes both emotional well-being and problem-solving ability. For example, instead of allowing themselves to recover from a disappointing relationship, someone may repeatedly replay conversations, analyze every possible mistake, and torment themselves with thoughts like, “What if I never find anyone again?” These mental spirals intensify feelings of isolation and may lead to withdrawal, avoidance, or impulsive attempts to escape discomfort through unhealthy coping behaviors.

Taitz teaches readers how to interrupt these cycles using cognitive and behavioral strategies rooted in mindfulness and evidence-based therapy approaches. Techniques such as setting time-limited reflection windows, choosing absorbing activities that break intrusive thought loops, challenging catastrophic thinking patterns, and applying mindfulness to observe thoughts rather than becoming submerged in them help loosen the grip of rumination. For instance, shifting a thought like “I’ll always be alone” into “My future is uncertain, and uncertainty contains possibilities, not guarantees of failure” expands emotional flexibility and reduces despair. By stepping off the treadmill, individuals can reclaim agency over their emotional landscape.

Self-Compassion as a Foundation for Emotional Strength

Taitz argues that many people ...