Fierce Conversations Book Summary

Book Summary

15 min

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Brief Summary

Being a fierce conversationalist improves all of the relationships around you. Understand that conversations are the foundation of relationships. You practice saying what you really mean and filling in the blind spots in your world view. You can start building this stronger picture of reality by treating every conversation like it’s important. Making the most of each conversation involves listening carefully, asking probing questions and going with your gut instinct. Try and have every conversation in person, if possible. Say “and” instead of “but” when working through a problem with another person. Try and get to the root of the problem when using a conversation to address an issue.

About the Author

Susan Scott runs the consulting practice Fierce Conversations Inc. She founded Fierce in 2001 after 10,000 hours of conversations with executives and CEO think tanks. Fierce Inc. is committed to corporate, individual, and large-scale transformation models through principles of better conversation. It emphasizes creating authentic and rewarding connections with employees and customers. She is two-time best-selling author of Fierce Conversations and Fierce Leadership.

Topics

Communication Skills

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Who Is This For?

Business leaders looking to communicate more effectively with their teams.
Anyone looking to become a braver conversationalist.

What You’ll Learn

How to stop procrastinating vital conversations.
How to ask the right kind of questions for any situation.
How to stay truthful and present in your interactions.

Key Insights

Leadership development consultant Susan Scott knows the importance of talking it out. In this book, she explains how conversations increase closeness, authenticity, and transparency, all of which can improve our workspaces and personal relationships. The most important conversations, like the ones that address interpersonal problems, are the most uncomfortable to start but most radical to have. Scott gives us all the reasons to start saying the hard things and the tools to start.

Before any conversation, understand your principles.

Scott begins her book by identifying seven principles of fierce conversations, meaning strong, passionate and bold:

Master the courage to question reality.
Make the conversation real through authenticity.
Be present and nowhere else.
Solve your hardest problems today.
Obey your instincts.
Take responsibility for everything you say.
Silence does a lot of work.

Real change, writes Scott, comes from being our most authentic selves in conversation. Conversations are what get us from one place to another in life, and if we want things to change, then our conversations have to change too. By staying fierce, meaning real, authentic, present and passionate, we learn to tell the truth more often. This honesty leads to positive changes in every part of our lives. Conversations make up our relationships, so our interpersonal relationships can only build upwards when we value our conversations more. Our work lives benefit too as our relationships with coworkers get more honest and problems bubble to the surface.

Many people don’t take conversations seriously enough. If conversations are a throwaway part of your day, consider the effects of this. Maybe you’re avoiding subjects that make you uncomfortable and burying your problems deeper within yourself. Maybe you’re being vague in your conversations or not taking responsibility for the things you say and lowering your trustworthiness to everyone around you.

It makes a huge difference to leave this behavior behind and understand the power that each conversation holds. Whether you’re a CEO, a desk worker, a parent, or a partner, conversations demonstrate how engaged you are with the world and the people around you. The more you increase this awareness, the more change you can affect in the long run.

Before you start talking, take a deep breath and remember these principles. Consider if you are being honest or straightforward. After conversations, review the principles again. Fierce conversations are about building your relationships and ending up in a place of mutual understanding and trust. The point is to communicate better, work through hard problems as a team, and remove any walls that prevent us from talking about the important things.