You Can Negotiate Anything

Understanding Negotiation as a Life Skill

Herb Cohen’s central argument is simple yet transformative: every human interaction contains negotiation. We negotiate with family, colleagues, businesses, and institutions — not just when signing contracts or bargaining over price, but when discussing household responsibilities, deciding where to eat, asking for a raise, or allocating time and attention in relationships.

Most people view negotiation as a formal, high-stakes event involving suits, long tables, and legal paperwork. Cohen reframes it as something casual, constant, and deeply woven into daily life.

He asserts that negotiation isn’t trickery or manipulation, but a way to align needs. Every person wants something — respect, convenience, money, reassurance, approval, advantage — and negotiation is the process of exchanging behavior to satisfy those needs.

Once we recognize that life is a continuous chain of negotiations, we enter conversations more consciously instead of reacting passively.

Cohen emphasizes that negotiation is learnable, not a talent reserved for extroverts or business leaders. Anyone can negotiate better by understanding human motivations, controlling emotional responses, and mastering simple psychological levers.

He encourages readers to approach negotiation with curiosity rather than fear, seeing it as a game where information, patience, and perception shape outcomes.

The Three Levers in Every Negotiation: Power, Time & Information

Every negotiation — whether about buying a car or finalizing an international treaty — rests on three pillars: power, time, and information. These variables constantly shift, and the party who manages them more wisely usually prevails.

Power in this context isn’t authority in the hierarchical sense. Instead, it’s the ability to influence behavior. A teenager who threatens to move out may have power over parents; a customer ready to walk away has power over a merchant.

Cohen explains that power frequently exists in the mind, not in actual resources. If a person believes they are powerless, they behave as if they are — giving concessions, hesitating to speak, and over-accommodating. Conversely, someone who believes they carry leverage negotiates boldly even when they technically don’t.

Sources of power extend beyond money. Knowledge creates power. Alternatives create power. Social proof, expertise, status, likeability, and even unpredictability can create power.

Time is the second ingredient. Deadlines, urgency, waiting people out, stalling, appearing flexible — these tactics can collapse or widen the negotiation space. Whoever is less pressured by time has the advantage. If you can wait longer with composure, you can extract better terms.

Information is the third pillar, and Cohen argues it is the most valuable. Knowledge of what the other party wants, fears, or prioritizes shapes the negotiation like fuel shapes fire. Even small details — a manager’s bonus structure, a salesperson’s end-of-month quota, a partner’s emotional triggers — create opportunities.

The more you know, the less you must guess, and the more persuasive your proposals become.

Power is Mostly Perception

One of Cohen’s most iconic ideas is that the appearance of power often matters more than real authority. Humans respond to confidence, tone, posture, readiness to walk away, and willingness to say no.

A person with modest resources can negotiate powerfully if they project certainty. A wealthy individual can ...