The Power of Regret

Daniel H. Pink’s The Power of Regret reframes how we think about one of life’s most uncomfortable emotions. While popular culture encourages people to live with “no regrets,” Pink argues that regret is an essential part of what makes us human. Instead of viewing regret as an emotional malfunction or a weakness, he reveals that regret is a powerful internal feedback system—one that helps us make better choices, find meaning, and grow into wiser versions of ourselves.

Pink explains that regret does not simply appear out of nowhere. It is the result of a cognitive process: remembering something that happened, imagining how life might have unfolded differently, and comparing the two outcomes. If the imagined result feels better than our current circumstances, regret arises. For example, someone who chose not to apply to a competitive university might later picture themselves thriving there and feel regret that they never tried. Someone who stayed silent when they witnessed bullying may imagine having intervened and feel remorse about remaining passive. These imagined alternative paths give regret its emotional weight and motivate us to choose differently in the future.

The ability to process regret is linked to the human brain’s capacity for complex thought. Young children before age eight cannot mentally simulate alternative outcomes, which is why they don’t yet experience regret in a meaningful sense. Likewise, adults with neurological damage in the orbitofrontal cortex lose the ability to anticipate or feel regret, demonstrating that regret is not a psychological flaw but a built-in feature of advanced cognition.

Pink emphasizes that regret only develops when certain conditions are present. First, we must believe that we were responsible for the outcome—believing we caused a result rather than it being forced on us by circumstance. For example, someone who is laid off because a company closes will experience disappointment, not regret. But someone who is fired after repeatedly showing up late may replay decisions that contributed to the outcome and regret their choices. Second, regret only happens when we believe we had meaningful alternatives. A person who grew up in poverty with little access to education is less likely to regret not becoming a doctor than someone who had every opportunity but lacked commitment or courage.

Regret activates what psychologists call the negativity bias, the natural human tendency to give more attention to mistakes than successes. A musician may remember one concert where they played badly far more vividly than twenty concerts where the audience cheered. A parent may replay the one argument they regret more than years of loving daily interactions. The mind fixates on what went wrong, not what went right, because learning depends on analyzing errors.

Rather than treating regret as a burden, Pink argues that it is a teacher—one that reveals what we value most.

The Two Major Types of Regret

Pink divides regrets into two broad categories: regrets of action and regrets of inaction.

Regrets of action occur when we do something and later wish we hadn’t. For example, a high school student may regret cheating on an exam ...