Radical Acceptance

Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance opens with a deep recognition of what she calls the “trance of unworthiness”—a silent epidemic of self-judgment that leaves people feeling fundamentally flawed. Many of us move through life believing that something is wrong with us, that we must fix or improve ourselves to deserve love and peace. Brach describes this trance as “the invisible gas we’re always breathing”—a toxic mindset so pervasive we rarely notice it.

It often begins in early life. A child who’s scolded for crying, ignored when seeking attention, or praised only when excelling learns that love is conditional. Later, this belief manifests in adulthood as perfectionism, overachievement, or emotional withdrawal. Brach shares stories from her own life—how she spent years striving to prove herself as a young woman—and from her therapy clients who echoed the same pattern.

For example, Lydia, a teacher and mother, constantly compared herself to others. No matter how much she accomplished, she felt inadequate next to her friends and colleagues. When she began practicing Radical Acceptance, she learned to pause and notice the familiar thought— “I’m not enough.” Rather than arguing with it, she whispered gently to herself, “I see you.” Over time, this small act of recognition loosened the trance’s grip. She began to see that the thought was not truth—it was conditioning.

Brach reminds readers that the first step toward liberation is simple awareness: noticing when the voice of unworthiness arises, pausing, and allowing it to be seen without judgment. Only when we stop running from that voice can we begin to heal.

The Essence of Radical Acceptance

At its core, Radical Acceptance is the willingness to fully experience life as it is, without resistance or denial. It means saying “yes” to the present moment—even when it hurts, even when it doesn’t match our expectations. To Brach, acceptance doesn’t mean apathy or inaction. It’s not about tolerating injustice or giving up on growth. Rather, it’s about acknowledging reality with honesty and compassion so that genuine transformation can emerge.

She often illustrates this through her experience as both a psychologist and a Buddhist practitioner. Many of her clients came to her thinking that acceptance meant weakness. But she reframed it: “Radical Acceptance is the gateway to freedom.” The more we resist what is—our emotions, our bodies, our circumstances—the more we suffer.

For example, one of her students, Tom, struggled with chronic pain after an accident. For years, he tried to fight his condition, clenching his jaw through the discomfort and mentally replaying how life “used to be.” In therapy, Brach guided him to turn toward the pain rather than away from it. By softening his resistance—breathing into the pain and naming it gently—Tom discovered moments of ease. The pain didn’t vanish, but his suffering diminished. He no longer felt at war with his body.

Radical Acceptance, Brach writes, is like stepping out of the storm and realizing the sky was never broken—it was only clouded.

The Sacred Pause: Creating Space for Freedom

One of the most powerful techniques Brach offers is the “sacred pause.” In a ...